For the benefit of the reader who is in a hurry, I will highlight in blue the key words in this story, you can pretty much just read the key words to gain a complete insight into what was going on with me during that time of life. I look back and think Wow! No wonder I crumbled, I reached a tipping point of how much stress and negative emotion I could handle. With the gift of hindsight, it’s pretty obvious what was going on but at that time I was still very detached from that level of self inquiry, I was looking for something, or someone outside of me to blame. I had already been in the Personal Development field for around 5 years at that stage and read many books, I guess I still had a long way to go!
About 6 years ago, my physical ability, livelihood and character where all called into question. This was a huge blow to my self confidence and self esteem. With the disbeliefand resistance to what was happening, I became depressed and as an added bonus it all came with extreme physical pain like I’d never felt before.
It was just before Christmas & work became very busy. I was overwhelmed with the work load, feeling very stressed, and I was constantly worried that I had taken a job that was beyond my capabilities. Little did I know that I was about to embark on a journey that would change my life forever.
One morning I awoke with lower back pain, I couldn’t get out of bed, and when I tried, I couldn’t right myself, I had to stand almost at a complete right angle. It was obvious I couldn’t go to work and I would have to call in sick. I was wrought with fear and evendread, and guilt at having to ring in sick, I was already paranoid that work were not happy with my performance, not that they’d ever said anything to me about it. I made the call and was literally guilt stricken from that moment. Come to think of it, I had been guilt stricken my entire work life whenever I had to call in sick which often was because of having a serious hangover! But that’s another story.
My now husband, was working away at the time, I felt very alone, isolated, helpless &hopeless, I couldn’t hardly move and walk around and had no-one there to care for me, I felt very sorry for myself. I visited a Chiropractor who luckily for me was directly over the road from my house, they helped me back on my feet, they diagnosed a pinched nerve in my lower back. In about 3 or 4 days I was back at work stilling feeling bad about having had to take time off during such a busy time.
The stressful work continued, I continued to feel under pressure. It was just after Christmas, I felt a pain come on in my left shoulder & neck during the day, by the end of the day I was in tears. I went home and didn’t return to work for a week. I visited a Physiotherapist in this time. They treated me for a pinched nerve in my left neck & after a week I went back to work. The Physio explained to me that because the injury had occurred at work, that I was entitled to Work Cover. My heart sunk as soon as he told me this because I was still in a bad way, I still needed help and treatment and I knew it would be expensive if I had to pay for it myself. I was afraid to approach work about Work Cover because I thought they would think I was just trying to get money out of them. I opted to just deal with it (& pay for treatments) myself. After being back at work another week, thepain returned and again I was sent home, the Physio offered again to run it all through Work Cover. I accepted but I felt so guilty, like I was a bad person who was doing something wrong.
I think you probably get the gist of the story by now. To cut a long story short, this continued until I took pre-arranged leave for one month. My work relationships began todeteriorate dramatically, certainly from my perspective they did anyway. I eventually returned again to work but my work relationships had broken down so much I couldn’t communicate, connect or relate to anyone in the office anymore (this was very out of character for me, I had always been a good-natured and dedicated employee), I became increasingly paranoid that no body in my department liked me, and I felt still more increasingly guilty about not being able to do more at work (my Doctors certificate had me on light duties, no typing and only half days), I had a complete emotional, nervous,psychological breakdown. My Doctor sent me to a Psychologist, and signed me of as unable to return to the work place. I heard from my direct manager a few times (the one I thought despised me, although she had never said anything like this to before), that was the last of it.
I was left with a high level of anxiety which faded somewhat over the years but only really left this year, when I started tapping using Faster EFT. This seemingly painful story was a successful creation of my unconscious mind. I am now tapping & flipping this series of events into a better story.
Truth be told, above is only how I perceived the events that transpired, the only reason I could have perceived events as I did, from such a victim mentality, is because I carried all that pain inside of me already. No one was actually out to get me, I was accidentally out to get myself. I held the resources inside myself to enable me to feel that way..
Thank goodness I know that now, & thank goodness I have a way of addressing my pain, past, present & future. Thank you Robert G. Smith for Faster EFT & thank you to all who inspired you.